Yet Another Prostate Cancer Blog

YAPCaB

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6.9

Posted by YAPCaB on May 8, 2013
Posted in: Cancer, Treatment, Drugs, PSA, Prostate Cancer. Tagged: Lupron, PSA, treatment details, cancer treatment, prostate cancer, hormone treatment, chills, Cancer, hot flashes. 18 comments

Great news from the oncologist yesterday – the Lupron reduced my PSA to 6.9 from 17.1!

That’s the effect after one month. The the last vestiges of the Lupron should continue to do its thing for another 2 weeks, more or less. Then the cancer will start growing again and my PSA will rise. The hope is that it will be less than about 17 at the end of three more months, when I get another Lupron shot. If it rises significantly faster than that, I may have to switch to one month on Lupron and two months off, not three.

Lupron’s effects on me are significantly different than they were the last time I took it. This time I’m experiencing fewer hot flashes and more chills. About 1 in 3 days the Lupron really messes with me emotionally. Those times are pretty much lost to just getting through them. That should subside over the next three months as Lupron’s effect wears off. I’m looking forward to it.

Remarkable and Exciting New Developments in Cancer Treatment!

Posted by YAPCaB on April 28, 2013
Posted in: Prostate Cancer. 2 comments

Reblogged from drherbertrappaport:

EXCITING NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN CANCER TREATMENT

PROSTATE CANCER:

NEW -MORE EFFECTIVE- DRUGS RECENTLY MADE AVAILABLE FOR GENERAL USE:

-The FDA has approved a drug, abiratarone (Zytiga), a more potent androgen blocker, which has been proven both to delay the progression of prostate cancer and to significantly prolong survival in advanced disease.
-Another newly approved drug is enzalutamide (Xtandi), an androgen-receptor signaling inhibitor.

Read more… 274 more words

Great news that Zytiga is approved - I assume this is approval for use before chemotherapy fails.

Lupron and 17.1

Posted by YAPCaB on April 8, 2013
Posted in: Anxiety, Cancer, Depression, Drugs, Prostate Cancer, PSA, TMS, Treatment. Tagged: Cancer, cancer treatment, depression, hormone treatment, Lupron, prostate cancer, TMS, transcranial magnetic stimulation, treatment details. 9 comments

Received my first one month shot of Lupron today. The last one was well over a year ago. This is part of my one month on Lupron, three months off protocol. I was supposed to get it two weeks ago, but we had a trip planned to Las Vegas, from which we just returned, and the oncologist decided he wanted to wait until my return.

We measured my PSA a couple weeks back. It rose to 17.1. Apparently nothing to get too concerned about since I’m on Lupron now, but still a little scary to me.

The last month or so has been a lot more eventful than I wanted. The TMS really did the trick with depression, but just as the depression was going down, my anxiety built. I’m pretty sure it was all about going back on Lupron and how well this new protocol will work. I have serious problems with being on Lupron for more than a few weeks, so this one month on and three months off is a significant modification of a proven protocol – but it’s not a proven protocol. We don’t really know how well it will work. Fortunately, simply tracking my PSA will tell us. So I still have some considerable background anxiety. If we can’t find some way to incorporate Lupron into my schedule, I’m slated for a considerably shorter life. It’s hard for me to put that out of my mind. It’s probably going to take at least 8 months to know for sure how it’s working. I’m hoping over that time the anxiety will naturally subside at least a little.

10.6

Posted by YAPCaB on March 4, 2013
Posted in: Cancer, Depression, Drugs, Prostate Cancer, PSA, TMS. Tagged: Cancer, cancer treatment, depression, hormone treatment, Lupron, prostate cancer, TMS, transcranial magnetic stimulation, treatment details. 6 comments

Visited the oncologist last week and found out my latest PSA score is 10.6. That’s not too bad considering I’ve been off hormone therapy for over 2 months. We decided I’ll stay off hormone therapy for another month to let the TMS sessions come to a close (happens in 2 days) and “settle in”. Then I’ll start on a modified hormone treatment plan, one month on Lupron, three months off, and then repeat. It’s a variation of a more common treatment that has starts with 4 months of Lupron followed by 8 month off, and then repeat. (There is some evidence this on/off treatment may be more effective than being on Lupron all the time.) Since I have a problem with being on hormone therapy drugs longer than a few months, the modification the oncologist is suggesting seems a reasonable alternative.

TMS therapy continues to go well. It’s not clear I’ll get 100% remission of depression, but it’s definitely significant.

Permanence

Posted by YAPCaB on February 18, 2013
Posted in: Death, Depression. Tagged: bad feelings, Cancer, coming to terms with death, death, depression, Mood. 12 comments

We had another death in the family Saturday. I guess it should probably be called extended family, but for all purposes she was family. She was about 100 and her body just gave out. Thankfully the pain patches made it a peaceful end.

It was another in a recent line of deaths. My sister in law’s mother died two week ago, more or less. My brother in law’s best friend of many years and employee died not much later. My wife’s mother’s estate closed just a week back; she died a few months ago.

I’m not sure what to make of all this. I guess it’s just part of life. These things cluster. It’s also not clear how difficult it’s supposed to be to deal with these events. More to the point, how emotional one is to be.

If it’s a direct relative it’s pretty obvious, but once things start to get removed, it gets tricky. At the end of the day, of course, we feel what we feel, but along the way I think most of us, like me, try to convince ourselves the impact is minimal. Maybe someone says something that brings a quick tear to our eye, but it’s quickly removed under the guise of an eye irritation.

I guess all I can say for myself is this collection has deaths has changed my mind. Something very real was lost with all these folks’ deaths and none of us will every find it in someone else in our lifetimes. To be sure, some of the things we’ll find in others and ourselves in the future will be wonderful, but that doesn’t change the loss. I think it’s that permanence in loss that has me so sad.

I Was Sure It Was the Front Office

Posted by YAPCaB on February 11, 2013
Posted in: Anxiety, Depression, Prostate Cancer, TMS, Treatment. Tagged: Antidepressant, depression, prostate cancer, TMS, transcranial magnetic stimulation, treatment details. 7 comments

Was I ever wrong.

I just started my TMS treatments under a new psychiatrist not too long ago, as you know. Right before the transition I was switched to a modified cocktail. I told the new shrink this as I needed a new script and he wrote it. I was also having anxiety issues, as you also know, and he wrote a script for another drug for that as well.

Item one. Fast forward a day (to about a week ago). The pharmacy said they needed a prior approval for insurance, because of an overlap of the script. They said they’d fax the request into the shrink and it shouldn’t be a big deal. Almost a week later, after numerous faxes from the pharmacy to the shrink’s office I still had nothing.

Item two. Go back and fast forward 3 days (to about 4 days ago). I realized, the hard way, that the drug he put me on was one I had been on before and had a problem with. I called into his office and left a message on the answering machine saying as much and asking them to call me back if I needed to make an appointment or  tell me he’s prescribed something else (I left the pharm number). I heard nothing and went by the office the next day in person and reiterated the message. They told me they’d check into it and get back with me. I heard nothing.

Today I had a scheduled appointment with him. I intended to let him know there was a serious problem with the front office getting faxes and messages to him, but he beat me to the punch. There was no problem with the faxes, he got them and decided to ignore them. He could have called me about them, but no, he implied I might somehow be trying to get extra Geodon for some nefarious purpose. Give me a fucking break. This isn’t a controlled substance with any kind of abuse record. There are no groups of folks out there crushing it for highs. Then he tells me the messages did get through about the problem with the first drug, and now he’d prescribe something else. Guess I had to call it in as an emergency to get earlier consideration. The concept of someone actually responding to my request, as asked, was out of the question.

This is the same son of a bitch I paid over ten thousand dollars for TMS treatment. He couldn’t even call me about a pre-authorization or a problem script.

Deep breath.

The TMS actually seems to be going pretty well. I notice I get a lift from each treatment even though it’s very early in the process. Best of all I found out this loser doesn’t actually own the equipment or provide the treatment – meaning there’s a referral path to the treatment that bypasses him should this really pan out.

Deep breath.

I met with the oncologist about the scans. We decided there was no reason to do the scans at this point in time. Nothing would reasonably be expected to come out of the scans that would change what we’re doing. I actually think he suggested the scans thinking it would ease my mind to see things hadn’t gotten that much worse. Make no mistake, though, even simple scans are invasive in one’s life, add stress and can be very expensive. I do think this exercise has better prepared me for when the next round of scans come along that are necessary.

Anxiety

Posted by YAPCaB on February 2, 2013
Posted in: Anxiety, Cancer, Depression, Drugs, Prostate Cancer, PSA, Radiation, Treatment. Tagged: Antidepressant, Cancer, cancer treatment, Casodex, depression, prostate cancer, Radiation, treatment details. 11 comments

I’m not sure why this last increase in PSA and the prospect of more scans has me so freaked out. Sometimes I feel as if I’m about to lose it. I guess I’m not a good candidate for knowing much about my impending death. I read a variety of other people’s blogs and none of them seem to have anywhere near as much trouble keeping their anxiety under control as I do.

Perhaps I’ve been in denial all along and this set of circumstances is finally greater than my ability to deny, but that doesn’t feel right. I saw the image with the cancer spots and the radiation aperture drawn on it clearly enough. It sure felt real at the time and scared the hell out of me.

Maybe this time it’s the speed. My PSA was so low on casodex after the radiation treatment. Now it’s right back where it was before treatment started, the treatment was pure hell, and I was only off casodex for about a month and half.

What seems the hardest is the feeling of being so powerless and alone in dying. I have no reasonable hope for remission, so there’s no “focussing my hope” on that outcome. By alone I mean we all die alone, no one goes with us. I’m very, very lucky to have a wife who is wonderful and does a great job being available. It’s hard for her too. All she can do is watch, be with me, and offer to listen to me. She can’t make it go away. Ultimately, I’m the one who has to get control of the situation as best I can. The emotions are just so overwhelming. I started this blog to share my experiences. Right now it feels more like I’m documenting an ultra-slow motion train wreck where I die at the end.

Distraction, such as reading the news, writing these posts, or talking with folks sometimes helps, but even then the anxiety comes in waves. As I come to the end of this post, a wave of anxiety is starting to hit me. What do I do next?

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