13 comments on “Accepting Cancer – Part 1 Fear

    • I’ve never had many issues with anger. That’s surprised me. I’ve had rare explosions about God, but that’s it. Sometimes I wonder if I’m suppressing it, but that doesn’t “feel” right. It may be all my statistical training. I think I may really believe in my heart that it’s all random and no one’s to blame.

      I hope this will help with your fear. At least it’s a path. Maybe not the best one, but a choice if your others aren’t working. Who knows it might even work for anger. I see no reason why it shouldn’t.

  1. Thanks for mentioning my blog. I’m finding it interesting to discover how similar our walks are – yours with stage IV prostate cancer and mine with stage IV breast cancer.

    One of the challenges for me has been finding a way to “live with” cancer, rather than buying into the violent language that seems to be inseparable from cancer treatment. If that interests you, you might want to look at some of my posts like “Have I survived yet?”.

    I’m really glad to have “met” you and to have found your blog.

    • Thanks, glad to have met you and found your blog as well.

      I see little point in prolonging my life via a treatment that makes my life miserable. I’ll probably try chemo when the time comes, but it’s very unclear I’ll stay with it.

      I’ll check out your posts!

  2. I am deeply honored that you’ve found my comments helpful. And I am stunned by the clarity of expression in this post. You are both logical and flexible in your approach to acceptance of what is likely the most difficult situation a person can face. You are very wise. I hope you continue to trust that wisdom. I’ll be bracing myself for more about that gorilla.

  3. Pingback: Don’t Worry, Be Happy « Yet Another Prostate Cancer Blog

  4. Pingback: Accepting Cancer – Part 2 Living in the Moment « Yet Another Prostate Cancer Blog

  5. Thank you for this sharing. I am always enthralled by the things we learn about ourselves through adversity, and I am eager to hear about the ‘gorilla’. My experience has demonstrated that deeply suppressed emotions (unacknowledged) find an outlet in disease, and possibly, your cancer is related to a deep underlying fear. I say possibly, because I don’t want to impose my own experience on you-you are unique and have your own views of life. But maybe, just maybe, your acknowledgement of this fear is cleansing your body in some way now. I see that as a wonderfully positive thing. What the outcome will be, who knows, but I feel your willingness to open up is a healing thing. I enjoy your writing, your honesty and your forward views.

    • I suspect that my cancer is due primarily to stress that is based in fear. There are a number of benefits that I think will result from dissipating my fears. But the diagnosis and especially my experience with radiation left me in a very brittle state. At this point, getting back to where I was a year ago seems a herculean task, even with the fears reduced.

      My current focus is trying to stabilize the depression. If that is unsuccessful, I fully expect things to get worse all around. Depression robs me of hope and any sense that my life has value. I have very little hope that we’ll find a drug cocktail that will do the trick. I’ve tried so many already. I keep telling myself that I only need to find one cocktail and so I keep looking. There’s also TMS. As I understand it, there’s a 50/50 chance it will work at some level. I’m almost certainly going to try it. Assuming I do, I intend to make a conscious effort to believe it will work and not dwell on the implications of it failing. There’s lots more to say, but it’s late and I’ve run out if gas. I’ll keep posting.

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