17 comments on “Anxiety

  1. I think you’re concentrating too much on death, and allowing it to ruin the time you have left.
    Remember Shakespeare: ‘cowards die many times before their deaths/ The valiant never taste of death but once’. Try to push it out of your mind. You’re spoiling the precious gift of life you have right now.

  2. I know the anxiety that I have and can’t imagine how great yours must be. From your blog it sounds like you are more sensitive and in touch with all of your feelings than some people. Maybe other bloggers aren’t comfortable sharing as much? Sending you good thoughts.

    • Perhaps you’re right. There aren’t all that many people that follow this blog anyway. Maybe my anxiety is worse than any of them have ever experienced. That’s a good thing. If it changes maybe they’ll come back to this someday and see I got thru it, just as they can.

  3. Planet Bananas is right, thank you for sharing your experience so candidly. I wish I could “beam you up” to the Pueblo mountain, one place I felt so held in a secure embrace, as a tonic for your current anxiety. Please know that you are in my thoughts these days.

  4. The thing that strikes me is that x-rays (cat scans? MRIs?) are – quite literally – black and white. There is no questioning what you see in front of you. I think that is part of what is so scary. When you’re on your blog or with other people, perhaps it’s easier to try to make sense of things, or perhaps, focus on certain ways to cope. In a sterile doctor’s office, with a black and white image, there seems to be nothing but stark reality. I hate it. It’s why I make a terrible patient. It is understandable that, after your best efforts and seeing the PSA at the same level, you’d feel so anxious. Hang in there.

    • More and more I’m starting to believe it’s the jump in the PSA that’s behind the anxiety spike.

      I see the oncologist again to day to go over what it really likely means and why exactly scans make sense at this exact point in time. I want to better understand what’s going on.

      My bet is this suggests the PSA has metastasized to a new location and he wants to know where.

  5. In the same breath as you discuss anxiety you speak of it being your task to get this under control. Wow. Cancer is so horrible and it calls for people to make so many changes in their lives even when it is not stage IV. Yours is stage IV. I am sad that you have to deal with so much uncertainty, pain, anxiety, and disappointment. But I continue to be very impressed by the core strength of your personality and character. I’m glad your wife is such a great source of support. I hope new developments in medicine put off chemotherapy as long as necessary and that we keep working hard toward new treatments and a cure for this cancer.

    • You’re a very kind person. I appreciate your comments more than you can imagine. I don’t feel particularly strong, I’m just doing what seems to make sense.

      • It may well be that this is the only way you could handle what is on your plate, but it is not the only way people handle these situations. I think you still deserve credit for the strength it takes to deal with this diagnosis at such a young age, to make the choice to focus on quality of life instead of quantity before a choice has to be made, to then face the accepted treatments’ side-effects with such courage, and–through it all–be so helpful to so many others.

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