12 comments on “Permanence

  1. Depending on the circumstances, I think understanding — really understanding what will be no more requires time and a trip through normal , which is when you get hit in the face with a fish,

  2. I too, wonder about these clusters, as you call it, as you know my mom, dad and sister all passed within seven months of one another. I had a similar thought to yours, about how each one is so unique, there was and never will be another – no one is replaceable. A bittersweet fact.

    Strangely, over these past few months since the most recent loss, I am haunted, not in a terrible scary way, but in a familiar, sort of comforting nudge now and then. A song, a tree that Dad planted, an old movie we watched together, or even a stranger passing me in the street will suddenly bring one of my family members present. I can’t explain it, but it’s real. I believe the essence lives on, there is so much we don’t know!

    Sending you a hug of camaraderie.

  3. YAPCaB, hopefully it’s appropriate for me to share this here. I’m a Hindu – and as Hindus, we think that death is either a beginning or another notch on your journey. We believe in re-incarnation. It’s a moment of freedom, where the soul (which is everlasting) is freed from the confines of the “human vehicle” (i.e. the body). It’s very different than the concept of permanence because we believe that the person takes another shape, so perhaps transformation instead of an ending.

    I’m certainly not trying to preach my beliefs here. And believe me, a death of somebody even of strong faith within our religion is still very hard. But I think this is a concept of “reframing”, that there are always many ways of viewing the same phenomenon.

    Curious to know your thoughts.

    • I wasn’t really raised in any religion. My parents were non-practicing Lutherans or Methodists. I find I have rather fluid beliefs and little interest in organized religion, too pretentious. In terms of day to day life I could easily be considered a good Christian, but when I read about the way various religions approach life (not death or life after death) I feel I’m more Buddhist than anything else. Who knows, maybe I’ll more formally take it up.

      I’m currently reading about near death experiences. They sound quite nice and I think I’ve decided to go with the general flow that there is something afterwards and that it’s nice. At this point I don’t need much more.

  4. In the movie Shadowland, there’s a scene between Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger that takes place toward the end of her battle with bone cancer. They are walking outside together, enjoying their time, and he begins to struggle with the idea of her death. I don’t remember the exact words, but she says something like, “The pain we feel now is part of the joy we felt before. And the joy we felt before is part of the pain we feel now.” I have found this concept to be very helpful in dealing with thoughts of mortality, both my own and my loved ones’. If you didn’t feel pain over these losses, it would mean you took no joy in those relationships. If you don’t feel pain about the possibility of losing your life, it means you took no joy in it. The intensity of your feelings now mirrors the intensity of the joy your life has given you. That joy is not over yet. If you can, try to feel that joy hidden in the pain and fear. Try to remember that you are still alive. I am still hoping!

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