A lot has happened since my last post. When I last wrote I was starting out on a new drug regimen that sounded a bit suspect. Well, it was. Didn’t take long for me to crater on it. So the psychiatrist and I moved on to another approach with different drugs. I cratered on that as well. My anxiety level was going thru the roof. I wondered if I had any life left worth living. On the cancer front, things were going quite well. The xtandi was holding my PSA to under 17 even though there was no expectation that it would necessarily do so. I should have been delighted, but if you have a life filled with bad feelings, what’s the point? Especially if you see no end in sight.
I decided to stick with it with the psychiatrist and go for drug set number three. After all, what did I have to lose, my life was shit. I doubled up on one drug, added a new drug, and put in place a plan taper down/off the offending drug over six weeks. Almost immediately I felt better than I had in years. I was just plain shocked how good I felt. Before I had to take 5-6 xanax a day just to deal with the anxiety, suddenly I was down to 1 a day and there was no depression. It was truly a miracle.
The stress levels were still there; it would take some time for them to subside. Unfortunately, the stress levels needed to drop sooner than they did. I had an ischemic stroke last week. It was really bizarre and scary being unable to form words for a time and have parts of my body go numb. I was one of the lucky ones that got over it without any ill effects in just a couple days.
So here I sit here now, beaten down by three months fooling around with drugs, but revitalized by the latest set and buoyed by my continued good results on xtandi. We’ll see over the next six weeks if the psychotropic drug results hold up. I think they will, but I have to wait and see. Similarly, I’m hoping the xtandi continues to do its stuff. I’ve started discussions with my oncologist about next steps when it stops working.
Right now I’m just glad to be alive and on the mend.