32 comments on “Not What I Wanted

  1. Hey Jim, sorry to hear the news. In 2012 my urologist gave me three to five years, so I got a second opinion. It was worse at two years, so I did not get a third opinion. Hang in there man and plan for the worst, but hope for the best. You have been great support for me and I want you around for a long time to come. Cheers, Phil

    • I’m hoping I do better, after all, the Xtandi was only supposed to last for 4-5 months and I got over a year and a half out of it.

    • Thank you for acknowledging my support of you. I really appreciate it. You’re a great guy who doesn’t deserve this. I hope things go smoothly for you.

  2. Wow, Jim. That’s a major dose of reality for us all. I was just ranting (on paper) about something a friend of mine posted on Facebook about true friends supporting those going through cancer. The ironic (hypocritical) thing was that he hasn’t asked me about my own journey in months, and yet he’s lecturing how important it is to be a true, supportive friend.

    When I started blogging about this disease 7+ years ago, I had no idea how many new-found friends (virtual as they may be) that I would gain along the way. You’re in that group and, like Phil, I truly appreciate you sharing your insights and being there when I need perspective. I’ve met a few people from the blogosphere in person, and perhaps our paths can cross one day. In the meantime, listen to Phil, set those priorities, and let me know if I can help in any way.

    • I’ve been surprised how little support I’ve received over the years, especially on my side of the family. I also believe that my developing cancer turned some my “friends” away from me. They just didn’t want to hear any details. Most just read the blog and never comment. I haven’t met any of my most frequent commenters IRL. I guess that’s just the way it works out.

      My wife and I have talked about going to San Diego for a long weekend. If we do, it would be nice to meet you in person. With this latest prognosis though, everything is up in the air.

      Yesterday and today they’re doing more scans, a CT scan and a bone scan. The oncologist wants a new baseline. To be honest I’m not sure what for, but I went along. He’s been pushing for this for a couple years now and I finally gave in.

      • Jim & Lisa, So sorry to have not seen these posts before getting together tonite.

        Keep up the fight! Y’all truly deserve better!

        Great to spend time with you. Ready to support you guys however we can, and looking forward to seeing y’all more this summer / fall.

        Love & prayers, Mark, Debbie & Cade

      • Sad to say, my experience has been similar. Family don’t comment or offer support. Dear I guess… Some I thought were friends have disappeared. Yet the true blue have remained true. My sister and brother in law have offered to care for me and Stefanie in their home in Australia when the end comes. I know there are many who love you and will support you if they can. Let them. You deserve it. You have helped me also, especially when my PSA was going through the roof. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

        • Thank you. It is very revealing how things unfold when you get a terminal illness. On balance I think it’s all good. I’m glad I was able to help and stand ready to do whatever I can. You’re really doing well, keep it up.

  3. Sending positive vibes, prayers for new treatments, courage, and peace. Your strength inspires all of us. No one knows what lies ahead, but it is always better to walk with people you respect.

  4. So sorry to read your post Jim, I can’t give it a “like” though. Somehow I think I may not be too far behind you. Fight the good fight my friend. It is not easy I know. Enjoy life, don’t let the bastard beat you.

    • It is what it is. I knew this day would come. I’ve been pretty lucky. The Xtandi usually fails after 4-5 months. It lasted I’ve a year and s half for me. Hoping I beat the 1-2 years as well.

      • I hope so too. There is a lot you can do in 1 to 2 years. The trick is to enjoy what you do and do what you enjoy. In January I thought I was a gonner, so everything else is bonus! Best wishes my friend .

  5. So sorry to hear this Jim. Like psatozero I can’t give it a like but I do want to send you my support and very best wishes. Like I’ve said before I really do believe that what counts is not how far we travel or where we’re travelling to but how we travel. The mind, the spirit, call it what you like is a powerful thing. Travel well my friend and let me know if I can help in some way from far away.

  6. While I don’t know you personally, I can tell you are a fighter. Your blog is inspiring. I will lift you and your wife in prayer. Don’t rule out a holistic approach. I am doing both chemo and a clean eating diet. If interested check out the book titled ‘Beating Cancer with Nutrition’. The name of the Dr has left me for the moment but I got it on Amazon and came highly recommended. I am sure everyone has advice, and I hope you don’t mind mind me offering. I just found in my own journey I take the pieces I want and toss the others. Lol!

    Thanks for following my blog.

    • Thanks! I appreciate any and all advice. As you say I can follow what works for me. I hope you finish your chemo quickly so you can start rebuilding.

    • Rachel, I thought a little more about what you wrote. It’s a little surprising to me that you think I’m a fighter. I feel like I’m treading water, just barely keeping myself from drowning. It’s clear your chemo has been hell. I don’t think I could do it. I don’t currently plan to get chemo. The median increase in life vs the quality of life impact isn’t there for me.

      • I think anyone dealing with cancer is a fighter. I have days where I feel really down and defeated. I wake up the next day and feel like I can conquer anything. We fight our way through our pain, and our thoughts. I have really tried to stay positive through my short journey. My hope is you don’t underestimate what you have endured. I totally respect your decision to not undergo chemo, and can understand fully about your desire for quality of life. I hope this helps explain my wording. I know fully what you mean about some days you feel like you are drowning. I cry at some point everyday feeling overwhelmed by it all mentally and physically. Everyday, I fight to overcome the thoughts and find joy in my day. It helps to keep me moving forward.

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