A Mixed Bag

It’s been quite some time since my last post, my apologies. I received mixed news over the last month or so and I reacted to the negative side of the news by not wanting to talk or think about my cancer. What I found out was that a major contributor to my lack of depressions was being on Adderall at the same time. While this might sound like at least neutral news, it isn’t. People usually develop a tolerance to Adderall in a few months, when used for depression, and the effect is already starting to wear off for me. So more depression is on the program, which is depressing in and of itself.

There was good news. My PSA, measured from cycle to cycle has gone from 50 to 9 to 5. The Lupron and Casodex are still clearly working. I continue to be nervous about how long this will last, though. They typically fail 2 years after treatment is started, and I’m at 2.5 years now, more or less. The anxiety before I go in for my PSA test results every other month is near crippling. When the drugs fail, it means I have 2 years left, on average. There is precedent for the drugs lasting much longer in rare cases. My oncologist has a patient who’s been on Casodex alone for 9 years. I’m hoping for a break like that.

For the most part I’m doing OK. The majority of my depressions are mild. I’m still traveling and having fun with my wife and friends. But it feels surreal that all will end fairly abruptly, although that can happen to anyone at any time. It’s just that near certainty that my life will end decades before my actuarial time to die that pushes me to focus on my mortality. We’re all dying by definition, but I really feel as if I’m dying now. Maybe you have to have a terminal illness to understand the difference, but it’s real and it’s scary. In the meantime I just try to stay as upbeat as I can and cope with the depressions as they come.

Better Living thru Chemistry

Saw my GP today. He outfitted me with some new pills. I also got a TMS treatment. Feeling really good now.

My heartfelt thanks for the kind comments and encouragement since my last post. They helped and are most appreciated.

Marinol is a Bust

After trying out Marinol for two days I sadly have to report that it’s not for me. I was expecting and hoping for a lift in spirits, reduction in anxiety, and a calmer stomach. What I got was a horribly upset stomach, a round of vomiting, loss of memory, degraded thinking, and greatly disrupted sleep cycles. The only positive was it seemed to reduce my anxiety levels.

I’m coming off the pills now – the half life is 24-36 hours.

I thought I’d be decimated if Marinol didn’t work for me. Much to my surprise it doesn’t seem like a big deal. There have been enough cancer related surprises for me that I think I’ve fallen into the “hope for the best, plan for the worst” style of thinking..

I’m not really sure how this is going to impact my decision about staying on Lupron. Gotta think that over and talk with the docs and my wife. Next big event is the readouts from all the tests. That happens this coming Thursday.

 

Now, the Waiting Starts

I got a CAT and bone scan today, along with a blood draw to check my PSA.

A lot has happened since my last post (ignoring the repost right before this post). It’s been seven weeks since my last Lupron shot. As is usually the case week seven is when Lupron’s effects subside. Now going off Lupron doesn’t seem as good an idea as it did when I was in the throes of its side effects.

I met with my GP and he suggested that for the really killer depressions, of which I typically get one per Lupron shot, that I take an Adderall to try to counteract it. So now I have that to try.

I also met with my oncologist. To sum it up, there are no good alternatives for Lupron for me. After talking over all my stomach problems, he wanted to do a CAT scan, The CAT scan, I believe, is mostly being done to rule out a stomach cancer met. He also wanted to do a bone scan to see how much further it’s spread and the usual PSA test. Those labs were all done today.

I asked him about Marinol (medical marijuana) and was surprised to find out that he can prescribe it. AFAIKnew it wasn’t prescribale in Texas. With luck it will help with the upset stomach, nausea, and depression.

With Adderall and Marinol I’m willing to try another Lupron shot, which is tentatively set for next Friday. That assumes we get no surprises back from all the tests today.To find out about that I wait until this coming Thursday…

Lupron Takes Me Down

About five and a half weeks ago I got my most recent lupron shot. I expected only mild side effects the first 4 weeks. Instead I had major nausea and upset stomach issues on and off during the entire period. Many dinners were limited to mashed potatoes. The fifth week saw my stomach issues clear up and I had only 1 moderate depression.

The sixth week has been a disaster so far. I missed thanksgiving dinner due to stomach problems that carried over into the next day. Yesterday was one the worst days of my life. Crippling depression set in along with serious nausea. Lupron also left my arms with a fierce tingling for hours. On top of all that I had a chest cold and sore throat. I managed to get through the day, but I feel like something snapped. Today was better, but still very rough. I’m trying to get an appointment set up with oncologist to explore other choices. These side effects are so significantly degrading my quality of life, I’ve got to check out the options.